Oh that sounds so nice! glad you had a great kiss lol.

good luck on ur new diet

You dont have to be anything.

Remember you chose to stop for a reason.

You were happy when you wernt restricting.

Just dont get trapped by it again, that is no way to live and one day, there might not be an escape.

xxx

good to have you back darlin:) good idea i decided to never throw up when someone is home and after i need to sterilize everything. i wont eat unless i have to. like when sjomeone is around to watch me. i am home alone today so no food! rimind me later when im craving k?

i soooo missed you

[lildarkshadow]

youre such a strong woman.  have fun while your away and be happy:) you deserve it

-me

If it was possible, I would have just literally laughed my ass off.

I so wish I could have some sexxxxxxxxxy time right now hahahaha

:)

xxxx

Love love love love love

LOVE

this entry

It makes me want to recover...................................

x

Ex ana?? Noooo!

Once again im back

Oh dear I really have to make up my mind

But im feeling really good about it this time so hopefully I wont back out again

Anyways, Ill miss ya loads! Hope you have an amazing time babes xxxxx

I know, thank you :)

I am also glad I came to the realization that it didn't matter, because it will probably make it easier for me in the end. Besides, had I not, I probably would have let it control me and stopped me from doing what I wanted to do during the summer.

Despite it all, I still want to live a normal live.

No reason to let hair stop me.

Anyhow, how old are you? I am wondering, because I read your entry and just... wow. I am speechless.

You have been nothing but supportive to me, so I only wish to return the favor. But I hope I can help you understand that you are your worst critic. That is how it is for everyone. I more then understand where you're coming from. Although, my issue was never about my weight, but my outward appearance in general. Much how you feel disgusted about your weight, I was the same way about my looks.

First of all, you are neither vain nor selfish. Everyone has their insecurities. But in reality, they're never really as bad as you can make them out to be. In fact, it's usually worse. Because again "you are your worst critic". And it definately isn't you're fault. The beautiful thing about weight is that there is always room for change. And it can be fixed, but only if you know how to do it right.

I scanned through a few of your other entries, and I think I briefly saw that you had been fasting? Correct me if I am wrong. But did you know that starving yourself harms yourself more then it helps? Because when you starve yourself your body goes into "fat storage mode". Where it's taking in all the nutrients, proteins, vitamins, what have you. It's taking those in and storing it as fat as energy, because you're body is not getting any from eating anymore. Sure, you'll lose weight, but when you start eating again, thats when you REALLY start to gain weight, and often times you'll gain more then what you lost while you starved yourself.

Eating healthy meals three times a day is important to the body, and I don't know how I can help you see that.

And I also would like to say that, much like me without hair, nobody should care how much you weigh and you should not feel bad about it either. You are still you, no matter what. And I respect you and like you for who you are, no matter what the circumstance because you have been kind and encouraging to me :)

However, please try not to be so hard on yourself. You truelly are a beautiful person no matter what.

<3 Jen.

Dont worry, i think everyones a bit of a nerd inside lol

And ill miss you!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

no! not the computer cable!:( be good so you can get it back lol. dont worry girlie one day you will be happy with your body weather you finally except it for what it is or get rid of what it is that you dont like. one of these days it will all go away. well loves girl

-me

do you mean john frusciante?if you can be bothered to flick through my entries i swear i've mentioned a lot of music i like and recommend.

tegan and sara-back in your head

cheap and cheerful-the kills

u r a fever-the kills

he hit me (and it felt like a kiss) - the crystals

corncerning the UFO sighting - surfjan stevens

JUNO SOUNDTRACK!

anything by 'emmy the great'

LAURA MARLING!!!

oh dear i should really shut up now.have fun finding it on limewire :)

yeah i hate how guys have nowhere to store fat whereas girls have hips and arms and boobs and grr.damn attractive skinny boys haha.

have a nice evening!it's nice to find people on here to talk to in comparison to people in 'real life' that you never could.thankyou

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[iwantperfection]

You need to be strong. I've been where you are, and there is nothing anyone can say that will change your thoughts. It's something you have to learn on your own.

I never thought the thoughts others did about 'Ana' and 'Mia' because I didn't have an eating disorder. It was all in my head. My self image was so distorted by the way people treated me.  When you want to stop, you will.

wow, that comment meant a lot to me.i do feel selfish too reading about that cancer entry.i read it too.i think we should be thankful for what we've got.people probably perceive us as selfish because they feel anorexia or bullimia is self-inflicted or a social thing.boy, if one of those types of boys existed !!!!

xxxx

oh that makes me feel special:) now that i know that i can help you too then ill be more motivated. ill miss talkin to you while your gone but i guess im going to miss a week of writing too. so we will have major catching up to do. im sure your pictures cant be that bad. your probably skinnier than me and just dont know it. i keep trying to get updated pictures on my page but i cant get them on either grrrrrrrr. but yeah sorry for such long comments:) talk to ya soon hopefully. its like. . .10:30am here right now. i live in utah so its pretty damn far away lol anywho

-me

hahaha thanks girl you make this site fun for me. and ya you totally have to go private again so i can see ya. and i totally promise and swear on my grave that we are going to pull our sh*t together and both be skinny ass bitches. when you get back you have to leave me a comment to let me know that your readyto go. and we will set up a plan. seein as you live on the other side of the world:) we will have to come up with times that we can get on and chat it up. so whenever were hungry we can talk to eachother and motivate our asses off!

its gonna rock

-me

oh! oh! oh! and i never got to see those pictures:( i was sad that i missed them. i wanna see what you look like. i feel left out cause everyone else did

blah

sorry

-me

awwwwwwwwwwwwwww huni:( you will be ok. i cant tell you to stop being so negitive about yourself cause i do this all the time. its a good technique. this way you make yourself feel guilty BEFORE you eat. i like to yell at myself too:) dont worry i eat like a friggin NORMY now i swear its grosse but babe its going to be ok. when you get back ill be right here waiting to get back on track with you. its funny cause i am going to lake powell this week for a couple days and then going to basic dance training camp for a week. so ill probably gain too. we can do this together. we can.

we will

-me

Yeah if you start to eat kinda normal again before the holidays all the crap u eat won't be gained on because ur metabolism will be up...or something like that. Lol. That's what i did before my birthday then once it was over i went on a fast and lost like 4 lbs!

And ur not ugly or obese ur really pretty. i loved those pictures u had on before.

and thanks for the comment!

stay strong and good luck :]

~cassidy~

:L   i will come and visit you then lol :L

i live in north england  soo woopp wooppp  the north :)

good luck with everything

Juicyx

Lol maybe

But you dont want the sex getting boring too early

Which does happen

Guys fault  Always.

xxx

i know how you feel

is that pic u?

stay strong

much love Amanda xxx

Oh sorry I got you mixed up with someone lol

And 130lbs  is not fat  defo not obese.

Andd anyway  i am sorry you had a bad day, that pic is like :'(  why arent i here and so is the oc.

And you live in ireland :) thats kewwwwwl  its on my long list of places to visit :)

are you north or south?

Goodd luckkkk

Juicyx

Sorry you had a bad day.

Are those lyrics from Courage??

haha i love that song! lol.

good luck tomorrow

Stay strong

~cassidy~

Woooooooow you are seriously just like me!

It was you who said your measurements were like the same as mine wasnt it?

My goshh, were like twins :L

Are you 14 aswell?

Living in England?

Keep strongggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

Juicyx

Get a cushion and scream into it and punch it :)

Works every time xxxx

I know how you feel like down to the very last word. And thanks for the comment. It made me feel better. You're always so supportive of me and i thank you for that. If you want to talk i'm going to be on for awhile.

~cassidy~

I have never even told my friends anything about my insecurities about myself. And it's not that I'm "fake". I just act like nothing's wrong all of the time. I guess i worded that kind of wrong.

I hope Alyssa and i make up too. But i understand why she's so upset with me. But idk.

~cassidy~

<3

thankyou for your comment.

your entry speaks so much to me.

i understand so much.

x

i know exactly how you feel.im lonely all the time so the only times i do eat is out of comfort.i'm here.seriously. :)

x

no worries girl im a fukin fat ass times 2. god! but ya ill keep giving out tips and tricks that helped me. stay here

-me

Yer I feel the same after chew&spit so I purged just for good measure.

Not much came up though xxx

aww.

Thankyou for your comment.

Made me smile.

Loves ya lots too,

Stay strong.

Lovess

Hellarockstar!

Sounds like your just hormonal so dont worry.

You'll feel happy(er) in a few days

And  the thought of those size fours are enough to stop eating

Me and you in our perfect size fours

xxxx

haha minters.

nice choice of clothes so it seems

and i AM fat

i am i am i am!

good luck with exercise and everything

and stealing drink is fun ;)

just fill it back up with waterrr :)

thats what i used to do haha

Lovess

Hellarockstar!

Hahaa :L

lets hate bessie, okay?

she is fat for gawds sake lol

I hope you feel better,
always do what you want to do,
and what you need to do.

Much love&Support

Juicyx

thanks for you comment.

don't envy me. i'm a fking idiot.

i'm fat fat fat.

and YOU are so strong.

I think you need to find something to relight ana...you know?

just an idea prehaps??

Stay strong, i think of you.

Lovess

Hellarockstar!

Awww thanks sooo much for the comment! You always make me feel better when Im going through sh*t! Thanks girly, your like a sister to me. Sorry about the binging, I know how you feel, I've been following in your foot steps girly lol Congrats on going down a size though thats always good! Rock on, stealing booze from your mom? hell yeah thats what im talking about lol Don't get caught lol Stay Starong!

Oh god to be a six would be heaven...a four is unthinkable but..........we could do it. Oh my god we could do it!

xxxx

Try not to fret too badly, we all have our binge days.  You'll lose the weight and then some!  Ahh shopping, that will be nice once I lose some more weight :) 

<3

God i'm with you on the whole binging thing lately.

We'll both stop together yer?

Haha the drinking thing. Ive done that before except all my friends parents had was DISGUSTING!!!! So didnt go too well lol. Hope you dont get in trouble. Maybe you could tell your mum she was just being paranoid because she was drunk?

And shopping is the best thing ever! You'll get into those size eights soon! What size are you now?

xxx

Heyy!

Shakebeaar just asked if you could add her?

Hope your okay.

Havent heard from you in a while

xxx

thanks for reading it all :) 

Juicyx

hey hey! we could be  bestest friends too!

 you got a cell phone?

[lildarkshadow]

Thanks :)  I go on Imeem.com to get the songs.  Once you get the embed to the song copied come back to your entry and hit the button that looks like this  <>  Then click that again.  To get the box to disappear, before you hit <> that again change the numbers to 0 (zero) and then you'll just hear the music playing only.  Hope this helps!

<3

Yeah i know some dad's just suck. lol.

so things aren't going so good there or just food wise?

food sucks too.

ha thanks for the comment though!!

stay strong

~cassidy~

Add me girly! I self diagnose myself alll the time lol I believe I have OCD too. Stay Strong!!!

add me yeah?:)

x

Please add me!  It takes about 2 or so hours for the laxies to work, and nope you don't get any cramps.  I have a slight case of OCD as well, god it sucks!

<3

Add me pleasee

:)

Juicyx

Add me!!

yeah i think i'm already added but w/e.

Good job on the fast yesterday and it's still early for the calories you did eat today. So ur still all good. MOst likely those calories will be burned off by the end of the day :)

Hopefully things go ok at ur dad's and u don't get too bored. lol.

stay strong

~cassidy~

dont go private! then i cant read:(

go SEMI-private:)

im 16 and

congrats on fasting.

-me

That's what i'm doing. I just wish she'd still want to be friends. I mean seriously we were BEST FRIENDS and she ended it cuz i wouldn't do that with her?! Maybe she really wasn't as good of a friend as i though??

Thanks for the comment. It just really sucks and i wish she wouldn't want to do that. I mean there's no way i would get drunk or high with her, it's just not me. I wish it wasn't her....ugh. idk what to do!

I'm not sure about the milk magnesium, if i did i'd love to help. lol. But yeah. thanks.

Stay strong

~cassidy~

hey long time no talk.

ha confidence? i have none.

i just like hairdressing so i suppose i gotta have some sort of crazy style.

that stick girl sounds amazing.. and well done on throwing the peanuts away!

you not fat or dirty.

i've missed speaking to you lots...

i've been relying too much on mia lately and its worrying me.

agghs. idk.

i just wanna be f***ing thin.

stay strong and i hope your ok!

chin up!

Lovess

Hellarockstar!

i feel exactly the same everyday

i hate my fat thighs

i hate my fat arms

i hate my fat ass.

i just want to be better than those girls that you see walking around who are so f***ing skinny. i just want to be better

good luck girl. and i defidently have to try the milky stuff

Haha you make me laugh (in a good way)

Loved the bit about the broken toe lmao

And OMG im buying milk of magnesium

Do u know how much it is? and where can u buy it?

xxx

So sorry you're feeling bad today and that you are sick.  I hope you get better soon.  As for the milk of magnesia laxies, they work.  I take that kind because it's faster than the pills.  Good luck!

<3

Hahaha I bet you made his day

God I'd hate to be a doctor though, all they do is poke needles into people and clean up sick...who'd want that? lol

xxxxxxx

Wow sounds like a looong night!!

I hope you feel better soon! and good luck tomorrow :)

XxXx

~cassidy~

Awww glad it wasnt anything too serious and hope you get better really really soon

And in the ass hey? Get in there lmao

xxxx

Awsum idea

I might just do that

And I think the whole world is happy today or something

Its infectious

Everyone ive been around today have been good 

Its been awsum

xxx

no problems baby.

stay strong

Lovess

Hellarockstar!

Haha you sound like ur in a great mood. That's good. lol.

hopefully things go alright with ur grandpa. and with ur fast tomorrow.

I LOVE diet coke it's the best. and yay fuzzy slippers those have to rock.

~stay strong~

cassidy

Love Love LOVE!! how happy this entry is

Made me smile like a crazy person >>>>

Hope you stay happy for a long time

And Id be gutted if I didnt get it...

People say that if your around something all of the time you go off it

So hopefully ill go off cake/pies

Pah ha ha thats doubtful but I can hope

Glad your grandads okay aswell

xxxx

its been three months for me:) woo hoo. and im so not leaving you. ana is still my life. i was just weak for a couple days is all. ill get better at it.

-me

i know you probably thought i was giving up on you. girl im not.i cant give ana up. i cant live without herim not going to stopi want to be thini want it so badi dont care if its not healthy anymorei want to do it

Yer I know  Its cool

I just see-saw so many times from "recovery" right back to Ana

Wish I could make up my mind lol

Oh well

Hope today went well xxxx

I adore Mary-Kate too :)  She's gorgeous and I love her style.  That's all I want as well.

<3

that almost made me cry,

that reminds me,

of me.

Hellarockstar!

wow

shes soo

amazingly beautiful

i'd love to be her

much love Amanda xxx

Yea apparently her sister Ashley blabbed on her to the paparazzi.
Then everyone made her get help.
What a bitch !!

She sooo gorgeous !

Lo<3
xXxXx

Thanks i'm just feeling a little down...

Ana came back to me.

and shes here with me now.

mia was before.

I missed them....

Lovess

Hellarockstar!

good luck huni

you have all of my support

stay strong

much lo0ve Amanda xxx

Sounds to me that when u go on a fast u find it hard, its understandable it is really hard to starve coz ur body is crying out for food. Instead of setting urself  a too high target maybe u shud try 2 days at 1st  see how u do then gradually extend the days.

I found out that eating apples burns more calories than it actually has in them if that makes sense to u lol, eating an apple has no cals but somehow u burn calories sumit bout an apple im not suer exactly but its true theres no calories in apples so u can eat n still burn calories same goes with celery.

Try to pace urself dnt rush it n maybe it will work this time, when i was starvin myself i always ate lollies as they only had 5 cals in each n it work for me, but the truth is for it to work n for u to lose w8 ur body needs food for energy to help u lose w8 i know u dnt wanna eat but try the apples thing it does work u can eat as many as u want no cals at all.

If u do feel like u want sumit to eat then have salad if u lke salad, i just eat salad with vinegar over it so it has a bit more taste. Honestly starving urself makes it 100 times worse i know u dnt wanna hear me telling u to eat coz its ur aim not to i  completley understand iv been ther before n i was lucky enuf to get a lil controll over it. Its so hard battling everyday telling urself the same thing "i wont eat today, il starve" i know it sounds easier to do that but ur body wont lose any w8 well it will but it wud take alot longer ur bodys like aq car it needs fuel otherwise it just wont work, just eat when u know u think ur gonna binge but have a salad or as many apples as u like.

If u ever need to talk u know where i am love chloe xx how old r u ?

tommorrow is a new day. you can start over. dont worry too much. as for cutting. babe. . . its something i started a while ago and its so hard to stop. pretty soon you run out of room and people will start thinking your phyco. i lost all my friends because they found out. im not sayin you shouldnt try it but its not something you just do for the hell of it. just because. it starts as something intierly different. you dont even relise its hurting you until its too late and you are hooked. its a drug babe. worse than a drug.

its an obsession

i love you

-me

I know how you feel, been there.  But there are better choices to becoming thin that are healthy.  There will be more extreme changes a lot faster if you just work out and eat right.  You need nutrients for your body for everything to function correctly.  :/  Good luck, I wish the best for you.

Listen don't get into the whole cutting thing,i've been there and it's a hard thing to stop.I know you probably don't want to get a bunch of preaching but cutting is not a good thing to start.It's very difficult to break especially when it's your only release.About the whole eating disorder,I know exactly how that is i'm exactly the same way,I'm desperate to get thin and I have developed a form of an eating disorder.I wish I had the self control to stick to it but I screw up and I can't purge because my parents bedroom is connected to the only bathroom we have.Eating disorders are not good though and i'm not telling you get into it,it's another thing thats incredibly hard to break and it tends to lead to strains on family and friend relationships.Cutting is just the same,both are hard to hide and hard to stop.

Take care and keep strong.

oh my god girl, i almost cryed when i saw this posted on your page. it makes me feel so good to know that something i have said on here has helped someone. enough that they would copy it on there own page. thank you for crediting me this means so much

-lildarkshadow

Yea i did watch BB! I LOVE it !

I love Stephanie. I can't belieeve how gorgeous she is!...

I binged again today on chocolate biscuits and porridge

I wish i could purge

Now i have 2 cuts...

x

U DONT HAVE A RIVER!?!? :O bummer...

this thing is totally addictive i agree.

personally I dont understand the whole weight issue thing (possibly because i have a pretty goot metabolism, thanks gosh because i am so addicted to sugar lol) but i wish you luck anyway :)

luvluv
B

dont you worry girlie, you can do it your soooooo determined. im still suprised at how much wieght i have lost. i still see a fat cow in the mirror. we can do it. thanks so much for commenting me and motivating me

love ya

-me

Hey love the pics, my eating is going ok i havnt been making myself sik which is good iv been watching what i eat n tryin to eat as lil as poss.

I really wanna lose 5lbs i wantr to get bk dow to 8stone for the moment and il prob wanna lose sum more afer that but my goal for now is losing 5lbs.

U got any tips luv clo xx

Yeah it does sound alright
but trust me, it wasn't, it was horrible
in the end i didn't think it was
but now i KNOW it was.

have you got msn darling?
its easier than this.

i'm from the UK near London
I'm meant to be comng to Ireland this summer:)

Yeah i'm alright, just feeling really REALLY guilty:(
Tomorrow will be better i'm sure!

The start of our fast:D

Love Charity x

Yeah of course you where!
and yes, i'll do it with you!

Where are you from?
Have to keep each other updated via this!

Yeah i was thin once:(
Then i was admitted to rehab for 8 months:
Made me put on weight,
but i'm back, and it does feel so good,
just have to hide it better
i'm 18 now, so i don't have to go!:)

Hope your okay babe!

Love Charity x

Babe, this really has helped me
thinspo always did help, trust me
one way to really get through it is to just look at them
trust me, it works, been there already
and succseeded!

However, now i'm back to square one,
and i need your help, and reading your stuff helps

Stay strong babe!

I'll join your fast.
7 Days, thats all, we can do it together,
right girlys?

Love Charity:)

oh i know i know! i need to learn how to get my own pics on here. i dont know how:( if you know how you should give me pointers:) then i can show you what i look like and yjou could show me you! that would be friggin awsome!

love ya

-me

yeah you love them but they annoy you..

and i can't say that to them cause they are skinnier i think......

:(

its so depressing.

Lovess

Hellarockstar!

first of alll...i never have any fluids lol i dunno why i just dont!?

that girl is an attention seeker, 2 of my friends are like that.

its just like, f***ing hell, should i slit my wrists now!?

ARGH!

anyway. good luck with the laxies lol.

i think i need to take more :S they haven't taken effect!

you can beat that bitch,

be thinner than her then you be all like,

ohmigod, i havent eaten today, i'm sooo fat,

would just be amazing!

i cant wait til i can do that...

i've got a long way to go though yet.

Lovess

Hellarockstar!

heyy :)

ha what a good idea!

i was an idiot and took them without EATING.

i'm a fool lol.

Lovess

Hellarockstar!

totally going to beat her:) thnx for the comment. that lightened my mood so so much. i was freaking out earlyer when this place said that i couldnt rwrite comments on your diary anymore! ah! i freaked out. i was like. . .

"no way are you taking my obsessivelovage away from me"

no they di'int:)

but i can now so its all good

i freakin love you!

-me

Don't go to a chemist,

go to a supermarket or whatever.

but not a chemist.

and its not embarrassing, i thought i would be today,

but i was just all natural and i was thinking thin :)

Lovess

Hellarockstar!

well i just got random ones

no i got them from like a saver store, less eyes look at you lol.

and nothing to be jelous of!

Lovess

Hellarockstar!

Thankyou so much xxx

I wish i had a body like these girls...:(
I like the first picture the best

I will fast with you but i don't hink i could do 7 days     
I do as long as i can though.

Tomorrow= no food.
I gotta have my diet coke though. I think i'd die without it

Lots of lo<3
Sebby xXx

yeah im fasting

day four or five i think....

last model is from Toni&Guy *where i used to work*

i remember lol.

good luck

stay strong.

Lovess

Hellarockstar!

omfg! i missed you! im glad your back to help me out:) i made it to one day without food again. im hoping for two.yaya i have a friend doing the same thing to me! she is 100 pounds NATURALLY! omg and she keeps saying she wants to loose wieght ever since i told her i was! lets beat them together:) love ya stay strong girlie

-me

sure huni

i'll join you

whats your goal weight for the end of the summer?

stey strong

much love Amanda xxx

am sorry about that 5lb
i gained 5lb too. i eat like a mother f***er!
but i jst keep on tellin myself summer is coming so
(i dont eat in the summer)

Damn girl

5lbs?!

thats hardly anything,

with your effort and commitment that will be off soooo soon

just don't give in.

your strong.

i KNOW you are.

i'm glad you enjoyed your holiday.

and this bitch Ali?!

tell her to screw herself.

Lovess

Hellarockstar!

sure sure girlie. go for it. you can copy that entry. what i do is copy and paste things on microsoft word and print things out. then you can carry it around wherever! and its lildark